If you read the post If You Didn’t Vote for Trump because He was a Hater, Don’t Become One Now, you might have seen yourself in it. You might have seen that you have already been blaming someone or something for the world’s problems. It might have been the Republicans or the Democrats. It might have been the Liberals or the Conservatives. It might have been the Wealthy Elites or the Rural Communities. It might have been the press or the less educated or social networking (I hear Facebook is now to blame). Or it might be something else entirely. It does not matter what you blamed, it turns out to be the same.
You will know you have found someone or something to blame when if you think about whatever that is or whoever that is and you find yourself suddenly upset. There are different degrees and types of upset you might feel. You may feel at little ill at ease, or anxious, or scared or irritated or frustrated, or outright angry. Or you might feel powerless, out-of-control and depressed. Any of these feelings let you know that you are judging and cutting yourself off from the love inside of you that heals and transforms.
If you read my post on not becoming a hater and said to yourself, ‘I see this cycle of feeding fear, anger and hatred as a concern and I don’t want to do that anymore.’ You may be wondering how to get out of it if you have already been feeding it. The more powerful the feelings, the more you have already been feeding it and, therefore, it is actually more difficult to stop and free yourself. But take heart, there is a way out!
The very first thing to do is NOT to see yourself as a problem that needs fixing. You have simply been making a mistake. You were taught to do this. Everyone is doing this. You couldn’t see how destructive and non-helpful it is. It seemed like an answer to solving problems. That’s all this was. You are not wrong or bad. You were simply not seeing it correctly. So be very kind and compassionate with yourself. More judgment will not help here either. You’re OK.
Next, let yourself have these feelings without fighting them. You have already given them a lot of energy and it may take some time for them to run out of your system. The way you do this is you allow the feelings to be there without judging them. You will know you are judging them when you feel like you are fighting with them. Or if you just want them to go away. It’s OK if they are there. It’s OK to feel them. You do not have to act upon them. You do not have to feed their messages of fear or anger or loss. Simply notice them and be with them.
If you do this the feelings will start to dissipate. However, the message of judgment and blame may still be there. Remember, more judgment is not helpful. Do not judge yourself for having judged. You did it because you thought it would keep you safe. There is in love in that, even though it was mis-directed. Be kind to yourself for having judged.
Once you see your judgement. (A judgment is anything or anyone you thought should be different than it is, or they are.) Ask yourself, ‘Might I be better off if I let this judgment go?’ Notice that if you let this judgment go you will no longer have to feel these feelings of fear or anger or depression. Notice that the judgment was not keeping you safe. It was not working. It’s not helping. Notice how good it will feel not to try to change others or yourself anymore. And when you feel you are ready (which may take some time) then simply let it go.
If this is not something that feels possible for you, then reach out for help. If finding peace within yourself is what you truly want, then you will be able find those that can help you.
This is the work that I have been doing for the last thirteen years. I have recently trained two people to do this work as well. My students are Kristin Cancilla and Bobbie Wilson. You can learn more about them on the Practitioners page. If you are interested in learning more about our work, you can go to the Belief-Shifting home page and see if what we do feels like a fit for you.